Saturday, May 12, 2012

In The Food Allergy Night Kitchen

RIP, Maurice Sendak. (And say hello to Dr. Seuss, if you would.)

"I'm allergic to shellfish and cow's milk and tree nuts"
Said Sylvester McDaisy McPeanut
"Just as I thought there was nowhere to eat,
Your lovely café just appeared on this street!"

"Do you think you can bake me a blueberry pie?
Just no nuts or milk, or I'll probably die!"
And he handed the menu to François with a bleat:
"Hurry it up, man, I need something to EAT!"

"What was that all about?" asked the manager, Scott

"Oh, he's making up allergies right on the spot.
We never had 'allergies' when I was little!
I'LL give him allergies - hot off the griddle!"

"No, don't do THAT," said Scott, with a smirk
"He'll probably sue if he's that big a jerk.
Of course, he can't WIN for a wayward ingredient
But let's skip the hassle - just go be obedient"

So François placed the order, but couldn't stop his pout
"No nuts and no milk in this pie!" went his shout
Cook said "come again?" but to no avail
For he saw only François's diminishing tail

"No milk and no nutmeg, that's what I heard.
"Milk's not in butter, why, that'd be absurd!
There's just butter in pies, nutmeg's just for the cakes
I'll finish this praline, and then pie I'll make!"

With his favorite knife, the one he could trust
He finished the pecans and started the crust
He grabbed a big bowl - he could use it today
'Cause they'd already finished the shrimp salad buffet

Didn't look very clean, but then Luis was so sick!
He probably washed all the dishes too quick
"Chop, chop, time's a-wasting" thought Cook with a hiccup
And he mixed up the pie and rang for its pickup

They all met again, many months later
In the courtroom of Justice MacJustice MacGrader
"It's clear to me" said the good Justice, "you're crazy!
Mr. Sylvester McPeanut McDaisy!"

"You can't expect them to know what's in their food!
To keep their knives clean with a good attitude
To wash out the places they prep, and their dishes
These types of precautions are magical wishes!"

"You didn't tell  François you're allergic to shrimp,
Can you blame him for thinking "allergic" means wimp?
I'm dismissing your case," he said, with a stern gaze
"You simply must learn to stay OUT of cafes!"


I realize, kids, that this moanin' and bitchin'

Won't change all that happens within the Night Kitchen

Long as foodies call allergies "minor" or "fake"

There's no way to know what you'll find in the cake

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1 comment:

  1. Timely. I've been attempting to expand our horizons, dining-wise. I read my copy of Allergic Girl's book, asked questions of my local allergy support group, talked to friends in the restaurant biz, etc. I get out there into the restaurant world and find blank stares, eye rolling, rudeness; lots of frustration for me and my daughter, a few cautious successes that still feel kind of risky, end up wondering if I should even attempt this with a child with multiple allergies. Nothing like being damned if you do, damned if you don't! Additionally, I used to work in restaurants, long before I had a food allergic child. I wouldn't have made a good waitress for a food allergic customer, and I've been reminded of what a war zone most restaurant kitchens can be. I can see both sides of the issue. Doesn't make me feel any better about it at all!


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