Stand Back, Everyone - Food Allergies Are Being Polarized!

I should have put two and two together. I should have thought about the possibility. After all, there have been hints...and portents.

Polarization

It all makes perfect sense now. 


Surely you've heard of polarization! It's going on all around you! No? Think back in time...time...time...

Global warming. 20 years ago, it was just, well, science. We knew it was happening, that it was bad and that we'd have to change, or figure out a technical solution, or both.

*@ZAP!$%

Once that polarizing ray hit it, one's stand on global warming didn't have anything at all to do with the science. Instead, what you believed came down to what you wanted to believe.

George Zimmerman. *@ZAP!$% The debt ceiling. *@ZAP!$%  Gay marriage.  *@ZAP!$%


All polarized.


Do a search on the words "polarized issue" and you'll see what I mean. EVERYTHING is BEING polarized these days!

I never thought it could happen. I never thought a medical condition could fall under the bright beam. And yet...the signs are all there.

• A recent Thomson/Reuters health poll showed that 49% of households believe that food allergy fears are blown out of proportion. Populace divided 50/50%. Check.

• More information doesn't help, because both sides provide information. Truthiness. Check.

• The issue gets tied to other hot point issues, like food restrictions in schools or overprotective parenting. Controversy. Check. 

After the Mylan ad fiasco, there was a flurry of cries from our community for "More Education!" In post after post, many people said things like:

- They just don't understand that allergies can kill!
- We have to do a better job of educating the world at large! 
- Just show them the Sabrina Shannon video! 

It's too late. The polarizing rays have reached food allergies and there's no going back. Education only makes 'em meaner.

Save yourselves! 

*@ZAP!$%

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To the "Food Allergies Are Fake" Friend or Family Member

Hello:

You don't know me, but your friend or family member has asked that I write to you on their behalf.

I'm the Food Allergy Bitch. I say things about food allergies that other people might have difficulty saying directly. In this case, the thing that they're having trouble saying directly is that you're being an ass.

See, they don't want to cut you out of their life. They like you enough that they're giving things one more try, by handing you this letter. They want to co-exist peacefully. But you're making that difficult, which is why I'm writing to you.

We both know food allergies are not fake. Obviously, if you've paid any attention over the last little while, you know the child in question has a real health issue. You know they get very, very sick after eating even a little bit of the food to which they are allergic. You know that they carry rescue medications and can end up in the hospital, or even die.

However...you are still playing control games. Maybe you're doing a half-assed job of preparing foods, saving labels or accommodating your friend/family member when they bring alternate foods for their child. Maybe you refuse to put away the peanuts or other problematic foods. Maybe you make jokes and snide comments about wimpy kids, or "getting along in the real world." Maybe you've even hidden allergic ingredients in a food "just to see what would happen", or encouraged your own children to bully and exclude this child. You've added to the burden, again and again. 

Why are you doing this? 

Perhaps you feel that this adult is trying to control you through food allergies, by dictating what you can and can't serve in your own house. Or perhaps you have an issue with illness in general and equate it with weakness.

BUT...you're an adult. You should be able to rise above these things when a child is involved. So I ask you again...why are you doing this?

I know it's difficult. I live food allergies all day, every day. If you don't feel up to the challenge of preparing safe foods, I understand! Your friend or family member is not asking you to DO things for him or her. He/she is asking that you REFRAIN from doing certain things:

• Offering unsafe foods in situations where the risk is increased (foods left out with a small child, open allergens like a bowl of peanuts, insisting on having peanut satay on your menu, etc.)

• Teasing, bullying or making snide comments about the reality or severity of food allergies, especially directly to the child

• Talking behind their back about the issue

Really - that's all they need. They just need you to remain emotionally neutral and perhaps think a little bit in advance about the menu. Ask them what they need. You may be surprised at how easy it really is.

You're an adult. There's a child involved. Can you please suspend whatever it is that makes you see this as some kind of social affront or challenge and just support this child? Please?

Thank you for listening.

The Food Allergy Bitch


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In The Food Allergy Night Kitchen

RIP, Maurice Sendak. (And say hello to Dr. Seuss, if you would.)

"I'm allergic to shellfish and cow's milk and tree nuts"
Said Sylvester McDaisy McPeanut
"Just as I thought there was nowhere to eat,
Your lovely café just appeared on this street!"



"Do you think you can bake me a blueberry pie?
Just no nuts or milk, or I'll probably die!"
And he handed the menu to François with a bleat:
"Hurry it up, man, I need something to EAT!"




"What was that all about?" asked the manager, Scott

"Oh, he's making up allergies right on the spot.
We never had 'allergies' when I was little!
I'LL give him allergies - hot off the griddle!"

"No, don't do THAT," said Scott, with a smirk
"He'll probably sue if he's that big a jerk.
Of course, he can't WIN for a wayward ingredient
But let's skip the hassle - just go be obedient"





So François placed the order, but couldn't stop his pout
"No nuts and no milk in this pie!" went his shout
Cook said "come again?" but to no avail
For he saw only François's diminishing tail

"No milk and no nutmeg, that's what I heard.
"Milk's not in butter, why, that'd be absurd!
There's just butter in pies, nutmeg's just for the cakes
I'll finish this praline, and then pie I'll make!"


With his favorite knife, the one he could trust
He finished the pecans and started the crust
He grabbed a big bowl - he could use it today
'Cause they'd already finished the shrimp salad buffet

Didn't look very clean, but then Luis was so sick!
He probably washed all the dishes too quick
"Chop, chop, time's a-wasting" thought Cook with a hiccup
And he mixed up the pie and rang for its pickup

They all met again, many months later
In the courtroom of Justice MacJustice MacGrader
"It's clear to me" said the good Justice, "you're crazy!
Mr. Sylvester McPeanut McDaisy!"

"You can't expect them to know what's in their food!
To keep their knives clean with a good attitude
To wash out the places they prep, and their dishes
These types of precautions are magical wishes!"



"You didn't tell  François you're allergic to shrimp,
Can you blame him for thinking "allergic" means wimp?
I'm dismissing your case," he said, with a stern gaze
"You simply must learn to stay OUT of cafes!"

*************************************

I realize, kids, that this moanin' and bitchin'

Won't change all that happens within the Night Kitchen

Long as foodies call allergies "minor" or "fake"

There's no way to know what you'll find in the cake


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My Perfect Comfort Zone

I'm a bitch. I admit it. (It's right up there in the masthead if you look.)

When it comes to food allergies, I seem to have a little judging voice in the back of my head. The one that says things like:

Are you KIDDING me? The kid has 20 allergies? That cannot be possible.

Four episodes of anaphylaxis this year? Clearly they're using that Epi-Pen for panic attacks.

You're not going to let your kid go to a birthday party? Are you going to keep him away from the supermarket, school and the workplace too?

Anaphylaxis to airborne peanuts on an airplane? Really?

You see, I have a perfect comfort zone. I know everything there is to know about allergies. Don't you?

Some of the cruelest comments I've ever heard about food allergies have come from other mothers with food-allergic children. When our comfort zone is threatened, man, the claws come out! So why do we do it?

I think it's because we believe our comfort zone sits smack between two really untenable options:

We have to believe that our unique set of precautions will be in that magical middle ground. It's also natural that we would defend that middle ground, since the stakes are so high.

To complicate things, there are a LOT of people in the world who think they have an IgE-mediated food allergy, but who do not. There's no gold standard to tease out these people. Even allergists can have difficulty diagnosing some allergies, and cell-mediated intolerances can be very debilitating.

It matters because people take food allergies less seriously when the community is full of perceived "fakers." On the other hand, because we all have different needs, symptoms, triggers and thresholds, we can all look like fakers to someone else whose formative experiences have been different than ours.

In the end, it's easy to end up lonely, even surrounded by other parents of children with allergies. Their flavor of allergic response can be so different that it's hard to find common ground. Contact reactions or just ingestion. Hives or no hives. Single allergens vs. a host of allergens. Exquisite trigger threshold vs. no problem with minor cross-contamination. Each of these responses changes completely the choices we make to deal with our kids and the world around them. There are millions of children with food allergies, yet each of them has a unique condition.

I hope I'm becoming less judgmental as I move through this journey. It's easier to let go of judgment when I acknowledge the fear that's behind it. And, for those days when I run into a parent who's actually bitchier than me, I keep a little sign around:

What's the nastiest thing someone's ever said to you? Add it to the comments!

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